Ivan Musoke

What Randomness Is This

Allow me to start off by saying I am so freaking sleepy. To that end, this will likely be one of those posts I end abruptly. Truth be told, I am making this up as I go along. I don’t know what I intend to write. I know I have bitched quite a bit about the boda boda peeps and their inherent inability to muster the art of bargaining, but shit. How hard is it to grasp. I pay person X 3000shs to get me from place A to place B. Why on earth should I have to pay you, person Y, 5,000shs for the same journey? Why would I, after telling you that I will call up ‘the regulars’ suddenly feel compelled to pay you 4,000shs? What the hell, man?
I just got my Matrix set of DVDs. The entire collection. Everything Matrixy at my disposal. I am so excited. If I were a virgin I would boldly declare that this feeling is the best thing ever. Okay, I don’t have the games or the comics…or the underwear, but shit, with a large screen and surround sound, I will be the king of the world. Me! Not Erique!!!
Sorry about that, someone slipped me some salad. I am not dieting, you realize, I am just so local. I want to be able to say I ate salad out of its tub like all the cool kids do in the movies. Not movies like the Matrix, you realize. In that one they eat blood. Technological blood and they kick tech-butt! Shit, I think I may have underestimated the excitement those DVDs brought.
This year’s first comic book movie has been released. Watchmen was in cinemas yesterday. Not cinemas in Uganda, you realize. We are doing badly. We will likely see the movie at the ‘plex in, oh I don’t know, a month. If at all. I called up the guys at the cinema and they shyly stated that they don’t know. That’s it. Not, “I don’t know when it will show”.  It was a simple, “I don’t know”. Which could mean they don’t know what I am going on about, or they don’t know what the following sequence of words aims to achieve by flowing out of my mouth, “when-are-you-screening-Watchmen”. She also laughed and for the first time in my life I didn’t think that a giggle borne out of ignorance was funny. In fact, it was downright infuriating. I am supposed to be a connoisseur of information like that. No one will think it’s cute when I answer their queries with a giggle…or a chuckle! Only person I know that can get away with it is B2B. Anyone that attempts that (and you know you likely will in the comments’ section) should be taken outside, next to the mango tree and shot…twice!
I have been getting a lot of flak for the Red Banton post. Someone decided to mail it to a couple of people and now I feel the need to set things right just in case this shit spirals out of control and lands in the wrong hands (Read: Red Banton): I didn’t mean to diss Red. I respect him as one artiste does another. I appreciate that there is a lot I could learn from him. Dude has groupies, I do not. Dude has met Measles and Weirdo…er, Mowzey Radio and Weasal! This guy is a beacon of light and I wish him well in his travels. I especially like that song he did, where he was in Love Lockdown with some Heartless chic… I think I may be mixing up my artistes.
My salad’s finished, my day done. I have to go interview a presenter for the paper, but no matter what happens… I will return.

Hey. There’s a beach party on at Iguana tonight!


  1. ” I respect him as one artiste does another. I appreciate that there is a lot I could learn from him. Dude has groupies, I do not. Dude has met Measles and Weirdo…” – I respect you! 🙂

  2. Giggles, chuckles and laughs, all in one. See, thing is I’m trying to commit suicide here. This just isn’t a good Sato for me. Some Autoshow prick played grand theft auto on my side mirrors!

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