Ivan Musoke

Excuse Me Mr. President…

Hi Mr. President,

This is kinda late, but you know how it is, problems with mail delivery and what not. Its just nasty. You just can’t get good service anymore. Everyone’s worked up, got conspiracy theories and stuff. Man!

The good news is, I have nothing better to do, so it looks a lot like I’m here for you. While everyone else is thinking you’re not worth ****.

I don’t know why this is, but I think it may be because you’re telling investors we’ve got land and then suddenly coming back and telling tenants that they no longer have any. I suppose it’s a good thing you haven’t set your eyes on the prime estate that is the burial ground,eh?

So anyway, what’s been bugging me is this whole Muhwezi thing. I mean, seriously dude, you can’t take that **** can you? I know I wouldn’t. I’d be all, “Bitch! You don’t know me like that! When I say I didn’t know you didn’t take the money, you don’t go around saying that’s unfortunate. You look into the nation’s eyes (transmitted a’la WBS) and say you are a liar!”

Seriously Mr. President that’s an uncool thing for a pal to say or do. What happened to solidarity? Way back in school we had that. If a kid had stolen like money from a teacher or something and offered to buy us all like tea and biscuits we’d all shut up. And even if I… pardon me, if the said kid didn’t honor his end of the bargain, no one would tell. I know no one would say it is unfortunate.

Unfortunate is how you describe a car’s windscreen being smashed in after a driver splashes muddy water on you on your way to the cinema to meet up with this awesome chic. CURSE YOU! DRIVER OF UXY 200D! You messed up a good thing.

So anyway, what are you going to do about it? Me? I’d take that factory that dude calls a house and transform it into like Coffe Marketing Board,..and then, when everyone is still looking on with glee, transform the said Marketing Board into an Apparel thingy…


  1. I didn’t even manage to make out who was supposed to be getting tied up and shot – Muhwezi or Sevo? Who cares? I just run in screaming `Noooooooo!!!! Let off the Dear Leader!’ And I save Sevo, whether he is there or not.
    That powerful.
    UXY 200D. I feel sorry for the bugger who will actually live to drive – or even see – that plate combo.

  2. hold up, u stole money to buy tea and biscuits? and then didn’t? i’m laughing so hard, i doubt i will ever be able to take u seriously again!

  3. The story is not over! so what happened when the water was splashed onto your dandy self? did the chick remind you she had insisted you use special hire? or borrow denis matanda’s wheels? or better still, damnit, get a real job and get a car?!? did she? this is the part of the story that gets me!

  4. this is the best Mr. President letter im readin in a while. Plus that bribing thing years back, how daft were we? life was much simpler then..only tea n buscuits n we were good! LOL

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