Ivan Musoke

Dear Guy That Does The Budget Reading Thing

First off, do you have an Official Title? See, I want to type and all that, but it gets a little monotonous if I have to keep calling you Guy That Does The Budget Reading Thing. I’ll just call you “Dude”. Don’t get used to it though.

So anyway, what the hell is your problem? Keeping that silly airtime tax in there. Your predecessor threw it in there as some sick joke, and we have since given up hope on a sensible punch line. It’s just not funny.

The rationale at the time, assuming we can call it that, was that people seem to have fun “talking on their phones” hence he figured he “just had to tax that”. Are you kidding me?

Because of that s*** my thumb seems to have become a permanent fixture on the End Call Button. The one time I made a call with no qualms was…its so far back I can’t recall. And even then, I think I did it because I got high…

If you’re going to tax people, tax Roadside Preachers. They seem to be having the time of their lives. Seriously, I haven’t seen such dedication anywhere. Just the other day, the other hot sunny day, I saw one shouting away like there was no tomorrow. Which might have actually been the premise of his shouting…and sweating. Profusely… Like someone forgot to turn off the tap… I guess the leather jacket didn’t help….

Tax local artistes with bad songs. Nay, with bad music videos. Some of the stuff that is shown on our screens is so bad I want to pull my eyes out and then insert them in my palm and go out hanging and say Hi 5! Its nasty, I am sure if you asked them, they’d say something like, “But I need the money”… I don’t care. Dude, these artistes should come to you and show you their videos. If they make you gag, even a little, they should be taxed heavily before screening…and the artiste should be thrown into a cell some where.

Tax the dude that flips the switch at the power company. He is so adept at it, I’m certain he has a blast whilst doing it. Probably smirks and goes like, I has made takeoff, I has made comeback! The nature of his activities lead me to suspect that he doesn’t have time to pursue other interests… or work on his grammar.

See, I’ve been thinking, your job is quite thankless. I mean, how does it play out. Do you pull straws? Did you get the short straw? Were you like, er, Excuse me Mr. President. Only to have him say, sorry sucker. Ich Bin invite to Deutschland, ja!! I can’t see why on earth anyone in their right mind would deliver such bad news. Its at par with telling your headmaster he just stepped in dog s**t…. well no, not quite, but you see where I’m going yeah? You got a raw deal. If I were you, I wouldn’t take that stuff lying down…I’d be getting a move on every time they mentioned the word budget. And yet, year after year, you keep a straight face through it all like its some sort of ability.


  1. i think he uses a landline or some shit like that… I heard they train budget readers to keep blank faces on so that people get mixed feelings about what they’re reading. That way they survive mob justice and wanainchi….The Budget…”sob”

  2. I have kicked so much firsties ass, my feet are sore.
    Ugandan taxes are just crazy and problem is there is nothing to show for them.

  3. Ivan, as usual, there’s a method to ur madness.i actually think u myt be onto something with that pulling straws thing, coz i sure wldnt want to be there.
    Ditto on the taxing local artists with bad songs/bad music vids.

  4. and even more difficult to swallow is that with the fuel prices up as per the budget, the taxi guys are going to have a ball charging us tripple. time to buy that auto. its going to be cheaper driving one’s own car than taking the taxi.

  5. Okay, you made me say it. I maybe rolling on the floor and choking on things I was trying to swallow but yes: You’re the godfather of Ugandan blogging!

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