Ivan Musoke

a commercial break. Native’s Nativity Story

A story is told of a time long ago, when a carpenter and his wife brought to the fold, a young one that was to be the savior, the Messiah, if you will. The stories is eons old, but sadly that is not the story you are about to behold.

A few months before December 25th, a young lady met a man.

He had a message for her, our dear lady Marie. It was one that her man Joseph would not be pleased to hear. Come to think of it, even she was skeptical and she let him know as much.

“What do you mean I’m pregnant? I’m a virgin. I am a member of the True Love Waits club, even Pastor Ssempa can vouch for me!”

“Calm down,” said he, “it will come to be. Just let Joe know. I will also tell him. That way, when he hears the same thing twice, it won’t be such a big deal. It’s like when you heard that Boyz II Men were not coming.”

So that’s exactly what happened, Joe was hanging out, trying to make a buck, make ends meet, when suddenly, he received a message from a number that wasn’t saved in his Nokia’s phonebook, “Jo. I’m going 2 hv a kid. It’s nt yrs. L8r.”

Joe Michaels Musisi was gripped by panic. So he sent a message of his own, “Who dis?” and awaited a reply.

He didn’t have to wait long, “Sry, wrng number. LOL!”

Elsewhere a gentleman called Jose was forced to buy a newspaper by an aggressive vendor with no change. He chanced upon a headline which, seemingly proud of itself, declared, “CARPENTER’S WIFE PREGNANT”. It seemed an odd place to put such a story. Such things are usually the fodder of the Red Pepper, he thought to himself. Then he read the story that followed and realized that it actually had substance.

Then a guy flagged him down. Thinking he was a traffic officer who had opted to dress up casually, Jose acquiesced.

“Man! I am so glad I caught up with you. I’ve been trying to reach you, but some lady kept picking up and saying you were not available at the moment, please try again later. Her politeness notwithstanding, I find it appalling that she kept referring to you as ‘the subscriber’.

Jose could not understand what this had to do with his driving, so he let him know.

“Oh, sorry. I am not a traffic cop. Do you see me wearing those cream uniforms?”

Jose felt compelled to point out that the uniforms were white, but he had more pressing issues to deal with. The lady in the picture that accompanied the carpenter story looked a lot like his woman.

“Yeah, anyway,” not a traffic cop continued, “Marie is pregnant!”

Jose was, as you would expect, taken aback. How did this plain clothed traffic officer know his woman’s name? And did he just say she was pregnant?

“Oh man! She hasn’t told you yet? This is awkward. Tell you what. Beep me when you get home. Actually, an hour after you get there. Peace!”

And like that, he was gone.

So too, is the rest of this story.


  1. Message to Gabriel. The Angel:
    I know we’ve come a long way, Gab. And I really appreciate all the messages you’ve helped me take to Jesus especially when the network fails. Like during this season.
    But let’s get things straight. Never EVER pick on my girl for that messiah stuff, aight? I don’t care that she’s not a virgin. Just don’t do it ever.

  2. Hey, my first time here, after laughing for a solid hour I’m still trying to figure out whether yours is sheer brilliance a.k.a. genius, or sheer and utter insanity!! Whichever it is I am tooooo amused!!

  3. Lol! Good stuff! I cracked a rib in the process. Damn if they used to teach bible stories like this in Sunday school, I’d be so close to heaven! Hehehe

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